How To Divorce Your Wife
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Divorce Guidelines

Divorce can certainly be painful, whether you're the one initiating the divorce or not. However, there are some divorce guidelines you can follow so the process is as easy and as painless as possible for everyone involved, especially the children.

Divorce is never easy, but it shouldn't be made harder than it has to be, either. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind.

Stay calm

If you and your spouse have decided that you want to get divorced (or if either of you has and will not be dissuaded), try to stay calm.

That sounds easier than it is, of course, but you won't want to be regretting your behavior for years to come after things have settled down -- and you won't want to be dealing with any consequences of rash behavior you'd rather not have done, either.

If it's been decided that divorce is the only way and there is no further negotiation, make up your mind (especially if you're the spouse who DOESN'T want it) that you won't resort trying to save the marriage at the expense of looking after your own well-being, and that of your children.

This doesn't mean that you need to be nasty to your soon to be ex, of course, but it does mean that you need to set boundaries and be firm.

Sit down with your spouse and try to talk things out before you get lawyers involved.

Each of you should write a list of what each person wants to happen with divorce, how property and money is going to be divided, and any child custody arrangements.

Most states now allow for relatively easy divorces as long as both parties agree to terms.

In some cases, you may not even need to get a divorce attorney, although you certainly should both get attorneys if anything is in question, most specifically financial, child custody, and property issues.

Get lawyers if you need them

If anything is in question or things look like they're going to be pretty contentious, you'll certainly need a lawyer to help you protect your interests.

However, again, you and your lawyer both need to avoid grand standing and histrionics, because they don't hold water in court -- and in fact any "acting out" is going to hurt you.

Your lawyer and your spouse's lawyer should work with you to negotiate agreeable property, monetary and custody arrangements before your day in court arrives, if possible.

Keep the kids out of this

Children are the innocent victims of divorce, no matter how you slice it. This is true even if you and your spouse may absolutely need to get divorced for the health and safety, as well as the happiness, of everyone involved.

However, don't use your children as bargaining chips in the divorce, and don't ever, ever put them "between" you and your spouse. Keep your children's best interests at heart and don't badmouth your spouse in front of them.

After all, your soon-to-be ex-spouse is one of their two parents, and they deserve to love him or her just as much as ever, if not more so.

They're going to need support from everyone involved, including your ex. And both you and your spouse are still your children's parents, together, so you'll still need to co-parent; do so at least civilly, if not affectionately.

Stay on amicable terms with your ex

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It may be very difficult to be civil especially in the very beginning of the divorce, but do so, again, for the children.

Divorce is difficult and incredibly jarring. It can be tempting to jump right back into a relationship, but this is a mistake.

When the time is right, and you will be healed and can move on, but don't try to do so before you've followed some common sense divorce guidelines.

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