A divorce, especially when you have children, can be a messy affair. Battling for custody by a divorced dad is not an easy task as judges generally tend to prefer to give mothers preference over fathers.
And then again, if you do win custody and then your ex-wife takes you to court again saying that you are neglecting your children and tries to get them back, it can become a lengthy and expensive legal battle. The ultimate power to decide the fate of your children rests with the judge.
It is the judge who has the final say, on the part of society and the government, as to who your kids shall stay with. And this can be good news for you too, even though judges tend to favor mothers to father for child custody, and therefore, have a tendency to award sole custody.
Good news for the fact that your wife’s custody is merely an illusion. This in turn implies that the fight for your child to reside with her is also an illusion.
So don’t give up hope. Let it sink in first. Yes, custody is a mere illusion. Keep on saying this till this sinks in. You can use their mother’s desire for custody as a bargaining point to get to spend more time with your children.
This is especially important when the law is biased towards her side as a mother.
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You can simply put forward the fact that instead of spending a long and expensive custody battle, you can simply give her custody in return for letting your kids spend a lot of time with you. Isn’t that what it is about ultimately?
She is most likely to give in to save herself the expensive custody battle and you get what you wanted in the first place: getting to spend quality time with your children.
Do be sure to relate spending time with your children how they will actually benefit from it. It is not a way to reduce child support. Do establish clearly the terms of the time with your children. When that is settled, you can arrange child support. Fighting over money will make it the main issue.
The judge can interpret it otherwise then, and claim that you want to spend more time rather than spending more money. The perfect rebuttal to that issue is to say that your spouse only wants the children so much to be able to claim child support.
If you at all have to go to court, ensure that it is for the right issues like time with your children and not the wrong ones like alimony or child support. You should never lose focus from the fact that you want time with your children and influence over how they are brought up. You can easily have that without requiring a custody mandate.
Under many situations, custody only means the right to take certain decisions, and nothing more. For decisions regarding medical, educational and legal decisions, in case of irreconcilable differences, often the family court decides on behalf of the parents.
The judge usually allows both parents to practice their religions with their children, and in case of severe objections, it is usually pointed out that this was an issue that should have been sorted out before marriage.
It is important not to confuse custody with access or time with your children. Custody does not end parenting troubles, it just has a set of new ones.
If you do lose custody, there is no need to give up hope, you didn’t win probably because you didn’t realize that winning requires you “wage peace” for the sake of your kids.
Try again, and base your strategies on those of parents, who love their children and are successful at parenting, and have won at family court.
For More Information on Child Custody
How To Win Child Custody. By The Custody Coach - Proven Strategies That Can Win You Custody And Save You Thousands In Attorney Costs!
Overcome The Learning Curve Of A Divorce And Child Custody Battle That Can Cost You A Fortune And Even Your Children.